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How Secrets and Lies Destroy Relationships

Deception from your partner can cause a relationship to become fragile and have trust issues, causing damage which at times may become irreparably.

Deception comes in various forms and includes telling half-truths, manipulation of information through emphasis, exaggeration, or minimisation, and withholding information or feelings information that is important to your partner as this information may affect the relationship.

Effects of Deceptions and Lies

Most people who lie do so because of fear, or to hide embarrassment, awkward situations, or to simply have others think they are a better person than telling the truth. While some people who lie want to protect the feelings of others and spare their partner pain or hurt, many people lie to protect their own feelings, self-esteem.

Ways in Which Lies and Secrets Cause Harm: -

1. They stop real intimacy with a partner. Intimacy is based on trust and authenticity — the ability to be vulnerable or “naked,” not only physically, but also emotionally.

2. There is a need to constantly have to cover-up lies and omissions can be hard to remember. These mount up, and if the truth comes out, may be more hurtful than the original secret. The longer the truth is hidden, the harder it becomes to tell the truth.

3. Feelings of guilt and uncomfortableness are bound to occur during intimate moments with the person being deceived and anyone that may have come in contact with the deception. The element of closeness and certain topics will tend to be avoided.

How to Spot Lies

There is no real way to best detect whether we are being lied to? but, often there are clues you can see in the behaviour of a person to make you suspicious:

  1. Avoidance of eye contact: Usually people make eye contact at least half the time they are talking to you. If you notice someone avoiding eye contact or looking down during a specific part of a conversation, they may well be lying.

  2. Change of voice: A variation in pitch of voice or rate of speech can be a sign of lying. So can lots of umms and ahhs, be observant to these as they can also be signs of deception.

  3. Body language: When a person turns their body away, or covers their face or mouth, fidgets a lot especially with their hands or legs it can be an indication of deception.

  4. Contradicting oneself: If they make statements that just don’t hold together this should make you suspicious.


When you’re in an intimate relationship, emotional honesty includes both partners knowing all aspects of each other. Honesty is more than simply not lying. A single act of deception deprives the other person of freedom of choice and informed decision making. A lot of people consider themselves as honest, but very few people reveal all their negative thoughts and feelings about some of the things they do, especially if the people closest to them do not approve. Being completely honest requires courage of self to be vulnerable and authentic.

If you are or someone you know are having issues with being honest you should consider speaking to a professional who will help you work out your emotions and give you candid advice to help you navigate your feelings and actions. If just need someone to speak with or help finding a professional please contact us at and a member of our team will be happy to speak with you or point you in the right direction to speak with a professional.

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